Yesterday, we had our very last meeting with our trainer from Grandfather Home. The only thing we lacked was my high school diploma (the state won't accept college diplomas as proof of education!), so she took that. She hasn't received our fingerprinting info but she expects to any day. We had to read over everything she had compiled on us, and I have to say, it was interesting to see our whole lives boiled down to 20 pages of excerpts. And provided everything goes as planned, she will send in our licensing packet to Raleigh next Wednesday, October 1.
Because of staffing issues at the state level, we can reasonably expect an 8-week turnaround time. So, if our paperwork goes in October 1, it's safe to estimate we will be licensed by December 1. Obviously, this is much later than we had anticipated or hoped for when we started this journey. BUT. I will be leaving the class I teach during the mornings, and my last day is December 11. So we are choosing to look at this as best for the child(ren), even if it's not our preference. This means we will not have to utilize daycare at all. Even if we get a call that very day (December 1, say), either Jake can take off work until December 11, or my mom can come up, or "worst" case scenario, I could leave my job early. I informed the school of our decision in June, hoping they would find my replacement, and they have! A wonderful lady with tons of experience is currently my "assistant", but when I leave, she will be teaching the class. So it wouldn't be a big deal if I left a few days early.
When I asked if we would have a placement by Christmas, our trainer responded with a "probably"...but she warned us not to accept a placement just because we want a child for Christmas. She said if we aren't sure the child or children would be a good fit, "we want a child by Christmas" should not be the deciding factor. It will not be unicorns and rainbows. The adjustment period will be hard, and likely not over before Christmas, so it won't be Norman Rockwell by any means.
So we are praying for patience, and encouragement, and wisdom to know what to say to the first call we get. We are praying everything goes through quickly and that a nearly ideal placement will come our way ASAP. And in the meantime, I am determined to be a productive member of society and not allow myself to just be sad and waiting around, because who knows when a child will come our way. We are excited to see how God uses us and our time in the coming weeks, months, and years. Thank you again for your continued support and encouragement! It means the world to us :)
Thursday, September 25, 2014
Thursday, September 18, 2014
hurry up and wait
Ok, so this is not the military. But it sure feels like we have been doing a lot of rushing then waiting. So here's another little update for ya.
The agency we are going through, Grandfather Home for Children, is in the middle of merging with Barium Springs. Jake and I are completely done with everything on our end. But until the merger is complete, we can't sign off on our final paperwork and send it in to the state. We are currently hoping to sign everything next week, and have our licensing paperwork sent to Raleigh on October 1. From what I understand, there is about a 30 day turnaround time for us to actually receive our official license in the mail. So that puts us at October 31ish.
As soon as we are licensed, we can get a call at any time. However. We do know we will be doing respite care for some little girls who have foster parents - we will just be providing their foster parents with a little break for an afternoon or a weekend or whatever. That will give us a little practice before we have a child or children placed in our home. So, I'm guessing within a week or two after we get our license, we will watch those girls maybe a couple of times, and within a week or two after that (approximately, of course - one can't plan these things), we will get a placement.
As I've mentioned before, I would have loved to have had a placement by Jake's 30th birthday, but we knew from the get-go that would be basically impossible. I totally thought for sure we would have a placement by my birthday in late October (which will mark two years that we've been trying to conceive - no longer "about a year", but actual "years"). We won't even be licensed by then. I would now love to have a placement by Thanksgiving, but that's cutting it awfully close. So I'm really, really hoping we have one by Christmas. We are honestly getting a little discouraged by all of this. The thought of a Christmas without a child's excitement is pretty sad. Not in general, but for us who have been wanting one, and now actively preparing for one (or more). So, it would be great if you would join us in prayer for that. I feel kind of silly asking that; it seems so trivial. But at this point, I'm walking every day by a closed door leading to a room fully prepared and ready for children, and spending time in my sunroom-turned-part-playroom where no kids have touched the toys and books on the shelves. So, yeah, I've been in a funk lately.
Anyway. Just wanted to keep everyone in the loop since it's apparently been two months since I last posted. I will definitely let you know when things are moving forward! Thanks for all the support and prayers and excitement you've shared with us. We so appreciate it :)
The agency we are going through, Grandfather Home for Children, is in the middle of merging with Barium Springs. Jake and I are completely done with everything on our end. But until the merger is complete, we can't sign off on our final paperwork and send it in to the state. We are currently hoping to sign everything next week, and have our licensing paperwork sent to Raleigh on October 1. From what I understand, there is about a 30 day turnaround time for us to actually receive our official license in the mail. So that puts us at October 31ish.
As soon as we are licensed, we can get a call at any time. However. We do know we will be doing respite care for some little girls who have foster parents - we will just be providing their foster parents with a little break for an afternoon or a weekend or whatever. That will give us a little practice before we have a child or children placed in our home. So, I'm guessing within a week or two after we get our license, we will watch those girls maybe a couple of times, and within a week or two after that (approximately, of course - one can't plan these things), we will get a placement.
As I've mentioned before, I would have loved to have had a placement by Jake's 30th birthday, but we knew from the get-go that would be basically impossible. I totally thought for sure we would have a placement by my birthday in late October (which will mark two years that we've been trying to conceive - no longer "about a year", but actual "years"). We won't even be licensed by then. I would now love to have a placement by Thanksgiving, but that's cutting it awfully close. So I'm really, really hoping we have one by Christmas. We are honestly getting a little discouraged by all of this. The thought of a Christmas without a child's excitement is pretty sad. Not in general, but for us who have been wanting one, and now actively preparing for one (or more). So, it would be great if you would join us in prayer for that. I feel kind of silly asking that; it seems so trivial. But at this point, I'm walking every day by a closed door leading to a room fully prepared and ready for children, and spending time in my sunroom-turned-part-playroom where no kids have touched the toys and books on the shelves. So, yeah, I've been in a funk lately.
Anyway. Just wanted to keep everyone in the loop since it's apparently been two months since I last posted. I will definitely let you know when things are moving forward! Thanks for all the support and prayers and excitement you've shared with us. We so appreciate it :)
Monday, July 21, 2014
update. a fun one!
Our last foster parent training session is on Wednesday. What?! It's surreal that this milestone is already upon us. Of course, we're thrilled! The final touches will be put on the kids' room this week. We've moved all the kids' clothes down to the basement because we have compiled everything we need! We have a couple of basic outfits for each gender, each size, each season. What a relief to have that accomplished! Of course 2-3 outfits won't last very long, but it's enough to buy us some time so we don't have to rush out and buy a lot of clothes as soon as we get a child. Cloth diapers are stashed and ready to be used, should we need them. As are bibdanas. Just got our first bottles - glass :) (I'm sure there are plenty of people who will tell me that's not practical. Oh well.) So finally I have given an update that shows some real progress! After Wednesday, our trainer has to finish all of our paperwork - a 25-page document she sends to the state of NC to tell them who we are - and the state has to look it over and approve it. We get fingerprinted. We have a home inspection and get our fire extinguisher updated or whatever. And sometime in September we will receive a little packet in the mail containing our license to be foster parents for two children and one infant. We should have a placement by my 27th birthday :)
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
minimalism, parenting, and why it's so important that we be debt-free
Doesn't sound like the most interesting blog post ever, but oh well. It sort of ties in to fostering (for us), and it will do while we are in between updates.
Minimalism. I am by no means an expert. But after studying and applying it for the past year, I do know one thing: it looks different for everyone. There's a scale, if you will. We do not number our belongings or live out of one suitcase as we travel abroad. We already live in a small house, though, and do not plan on upsizing until/unless we absolutely have to. 1300 sq ft is more than enough for two people. We've kind of figured out how to fit 4 children. But if we do end up with 4, when they get to be teenagers it will be a bit tight. I say all that so you can see how we are not space-hungry, not nearly as much as the rest of our generation. Jake Henry and I both have capsule wardrobes. Our children will, too. If there are ever too many toys to fit in the toy box, we absolutely will not go out and buy a bigger toy box. We will purge toys. When you own less stuff, you spend less money. That's the real kicker for us. There's less upkeep, less replacing, less time cleaning, and more enjoyment of what we do have.
Parenting. Sort of going along with minimalism... We want our parenting to look different. We don't particularly like what we see in this day and age. I've mentioned before that electronics will be closely monitored and timed. Neither Jake Henry nor I want our kids to "have a better life than we had". Our childhoods were great! Neither of us were the richest (monetarily) kids in school (especially when I went to private college! wow!), but we weren't the poorest either. What we do want for our kids is a more simple childhood than just about any we see today. With less time in front of the TV, what ever will we do with them? Well, we want them to play outside. Where I can see from the window, but not necessarily be out there with them yelling to not climb that tree. I've read articles about how American parents are the most anal, and the kids then grow up to be stressed and need therapy and be anal with their kids. Our parents and grandparents did not have the kind of supervision parents today give their kids. My mom has a scar from where her brother cut her with a machete. She lived. I'm not trying to downplay the need for safety, not at all. I tend to be pretty anal myself...and I don't want to be, for my kids' sakes. And we don't want to be driving all over the world all the time for each kid to be in multiple sporting events. Of course we want them to pursue their passions. One at a time. And if we ever start to get stressed because there aren't enough hours in the day or we aren't spending enough time together as a family, then our kids will sit out a season. They won't lose potential scholarships for it. We just really want simple. The way our parents and grandparents grew up.
Debt. Obviously, I talk about this a lot on the blog. I'll just recap. Debt = any money you owe to anyone to pay for something you already have or used to have. Most people just think of credit cards, but it actually includes medical bills, cars, loans, homes. Everything. One-time purchases that cost more than you could pay with cash. Just to clarify further, debt does not include recurring bills such as electricity or cable. We are fortunate enough to have no credit card debt. Not because we are so wealthy we don't need it, but because if we don't have cash (or debit card), we won't buy something. We have one car payment, I have student loans, and we have a house. My student loans were acquired before we got married, so they are my responsibility. The car is mine, but we both benefit from its use. And the house is both of ours. So what's the big deal? That's all pretty normal, right? Of course it's normal. Which is sad. When we have less debt, we have fewer payments, which makes room in the budget. For us, right now, it's most important that I be able to stay home with our children. We feel it's best for our family. Especially with foster kids, since we may be the only positive or (healthily) loving influence they have in their sweet lives. But in order to stay home, I would have to have my student loans paid off. Because of how hard we've worked toward this goal, I would able to work very part-time, but not to leave work completely. We will continue to work hard toward the goal of not needing any income from me at all. We've made a plan. We know there's a thing called life, and plans rarely work out exactly, but we have one nonetheless. In a couple of years, I would be able to work one Saturday a month. A few years after that, not at all. Also in a couple of years, we will be able to start paying a little extra on the house. Not much, but a little. We don't want to be slaves to a lender for 30 years. Someone is probably thinking that it's so nice we will be able to do that, but not everyone can afford it. I think that when I read other blogs, especially ones talking about paying off their house in five years. But see, for us, our family is most important. We will do what it takes to do what's best for our family, while paying down as much debt as possible. We could pay off debt more quickly if I continued to work as much as possible. And while we are childless, I'm doing that. But once kids enter the picture, our priorities will change. And just to remind any doubters (of themselves): we will be living off of less than a teacher's salary. Of course teachers are important, but so is the guy who digs in carcasses to test meat to ensure its safety. The state of NC just hasn't recognized that yet. I don't say that to toot our horns, or to get pity. I say it to encourage you. If you've read this or any of my other financial posts, and you would love to implement some similar strategies but feel you just can't afford it, don't be discouraged! If we can do it, so can you. We actually prefer living on a tighter budget. It enables us to be creative, to spend more time together, and to trust God more.
So, like I said, not the most exciting post. But I felt it needed to be written.
Minimalism. I am by no means an expert. But after studying and applying it for the past year, I do know one thing: it looks different for everyone. There's a scale, if you will. We do not number our belongings or live out of one suitcase as we travel abroad. We already live in a small house, though, and do not plan on upsizing until/unless we absolutely have to. 1300 sq ft is more than enough for two people. We've kind of figured out how to fit 4 children. But if we do end up with 4, when they get to be teenagers it will be a bit tight. I say all that so you can see how we are not space-hungry, not nearly as much as the rest of our generation. Jake Henry and I both have capsule wardrobes. Our children will, too. If there are ever too many toys to fit in the toy box, we absolutely will not go out and buy a bigger toy box. We will purge toys. When you own less stuff, you spend less money. That's the real kicker for us. There's less upkeep, less replacing, less time cleaning, and more enjoyment of what we do have.
Parenting. Sort of going along with minimalism... We want our parenting to look different. We don't particularly like what we see in this day and age. I've mentioned before that electronics will be closely monitored and timed. Neither Jake Henry nor I want our kids to "have a better life than we had". Our childhoods were great! Neither of us were the richest (monetarily) kids in school (especially when I went to private college! wow!), but we weren't the poorest either. What we do want for our kids is a more simple childhood than just about any we see today. With less time in front of the TV, what ever will we do with them? Well, we want them to play outside. Where I can see from the window, but not necessarily be out there with them yelling to not climb that tree. I've read articles about how American parents are the most anal, and the kids then grow up to be stressed and need therapy and be anal with their kids. Our parents and grandparents did not have the kind of supervision parents today give their kids. My mom has a scar from where her brother cut her with a machete. She lived. I'm not trying to downplay the need for safety, not at all. I tend to be pretty anal myself...and I don't want to be, for my kids' sakes. And we don't want to be driving all over the world all the time for each kid to be in multiple sporting events. Of course we want them to pursue their passions. One at a time. And if we ever start to get stressed because there aren't enough hours in the day or we aren't spending enough time together as a family, then our kids will sit out a season. They won't lose potential scholarships for it. We just really want simple. The way our parents and grandparents grew up.
Debt. Obviously, I talk about this a lot on the blog. I'll just recap. Debt = any money you owe to anyone to pay for something you already have or used to have. Most people just think of credit cards, but it actually includes medical bills, cars, loans, homes. Everything. One-time purchases that cost more than you could pay with cash. Just to clarify further, debt does not include recurring bills such as electricity or cable. We are fortunate enough to have no credit card debt. Not because we are so wealthy we don't need it, but because if we don't have cash (or debit card), we won't buy something. We have one car payment, I have student loans, and we have a house. My student loans were acquired before we got married, so they are my responsibility. The car is mine, but we both benefit from its use. And the house is both of ours. So what's the big deal? That's all pretty normal, right? Of course it's normal. Which is sad. When we have less debt, we have fewer payments, which makes room in the budget. For us, right now, it's most important that I be able to stay home with our children. We feel it's best for our family. Especially with foster kids, since we may be the only positive or (healthily) loving influence they have in their sweet lives. But in order to stay home, I would have to have my student loans paid off. Because of how hard we've worked toward this goal, I would able to work very part-time, but not to leave work completely. We will continue to work hard toward the goal of not needing any income from me at all. We've made a plan. We know there's a thing called life, and plans rarely work out exactly, but we have one nonetheless. In a couple of years, I would be able to work one Saturday a month. A few years after that, not at all. Also in a couple of years, we will be able to start paying a little extra on the house. Not much, but a little. We don't want to be slaves to a lender for 30 years. Someone is probably thinking that it's so nice we will be able to do that, but not everyone can afford it. I think that when I read other blogs, especially ones talking about paying off their house in five years. But see, for us, our family is most important. We will do what it takes to do what's best for our family, while paying down as much debt as possible. We could pay off debt more quickly if I continued to work as much as possible. And while we are childless, I'm doing that. But once kids enter the picture, our priorities will change. And just to remind any doubters (of themselves): we will be living off of less than a teacher's salary. Of course teachers are important, but so is the guy who digs in carcasses to test meat to ensure its safety. The state of NC just hasn't recognized that yet. I don't say that to toot our horns, or to get pity. I say it to encourage you. If you've read this or any of my other financial posts, and you would love to implement some similar strategies but feel you just can't afford it, don't be discouraged! If we can do it, so can you. We actually prefer living on a tighter budget. It enables us to be creative, to spend more time together, and to trust God more.
So, like I said, not the most exciting post. But I felt it needed to be written.
Saturday, July 5, 2014
an update and a resolution
1. This past week we had a training in Winston that was all about medicine administration. There is a crazy amount of detail to be logged and crazy amounts of paperwork. Foster parenting is not easy money; we will definitely be working for it! Basically, we will have to document every single time we give a child any medication, including not only controlled substances (like ADHD medication), but also over-the-counter, and even things like sunscreen and bug spray. We are a little overwhelmed, but just like everything else, we're gonna let it sink in for a bit. We have finally gotten our playroom/office to a place we want it -- meaning, super cute :) We are still thinking September for when we will be licensed. Our trainer says the average wait time for a placement is a month at most. So sometime in October we will likely have a child/children (obviously there is no way to plan these things).
2. On to my resolution. I'm reading this book called Hands Free Mama by Rachel Macy Stafford. Basically, she advocates being hands free (from electronic devices) to focus on the people in your life. I'm assuming everyone reading this would agree that is important. BUT. How many of us actually implement that? So basically I'm going public with my decision to be a Hands Free Mama (ignore the lack of hyphen; it's hers, not mine). I've started by not taking my phone into my bedroom. I'll need to get an alarm clock, but I used to find myself so often scrolling through e-mails, or feeds, or whatever. And my bedroom is for sleeping and relaxing. I also want to set my phone aside when I'm teaching. It's easy to check it quickly when my students are busy with something. But that's stealing time from them. Even more importantly, when I'm with my family, my phone needs to be away. Especially when we get foster kids. So if you try to contact me and don't hear back immediately, it's because I'm focused on the people in my presence. Not only that, but my kids will follow it as well. They won't get cell phones as early as everyone else these days. They won't get unlimited access to the iPad or television. I want to teach them that real-life experiences, with real-life, in-the-flesh people, are worth being fully present. I pinned something awhile ago that said "kids won't remember their best day of television". This is going to be difficult for us, as their parents. I can totally see how electronics are convenient babysitters, even for a short time. But I want NONE of that. As a perfectionist, this is very difficult for me to say, but: I would rather my house go uncleaned for a month if it means I can spend time with people and keep my children from mindless television watching. Who's with me?
2. On to my resolution. I'm reading this book called Hands Free Mama by Rachel Macy Stafford. Basically, she advocates being hands free (from electronic devices) to focus on the people in your life. I'm assuming everyone reading this would agree that is important. BUT. How many of us actually implement that? So basically I'm going public with my decision to be a Hands Free Mama (ignore the lack of hyphen; it's hers, not mine). I've started by not taking my phone into my bedroom. I'll need to get an alarm clock, but I used to find myself so often scrolling through e-mails, or feeds, or whatever. And my bedroom is for sleeping and relaxing. I also want to set my phone aside when I'm teaching. It's easy to check it quickly when my students are busy with something. But that's stealing time from them. Even more importantly, when I'm with my family, my phone needs to be away. Especially when we get foster kids. So if you try to contact me and don't hear back immediately, it's because I'm focused on the people in my presence. Not only that, but my kids will follow it as well. They won't get cell phones as early as everyone else these days. They won't get unlimited access to the iPad or television. I want to teach them that real-life experiences, with real-life, in-the-flesh people, are worth being fully present. I pinned something awhile ago that said "kids won't remember their best day of television". This is going to be difficult for us, as their parents. I can totally see how electronics are convenient babysitters, even for a short time. But I want NONE of that. As a perfectionist, this is very difficult for me to say, but: I would rather my house go uncleaned for a month if it means I can spend time with people and keep my children from mindless television watching. Who's with me?
Thursday, June 26, 2014
why a Pampered Chef party is really important to me
Can't think of a good way to introduce this, so I'll just start.
I have a friend who is in the process of adopting from Ethiopia. She and her husband have two sweet little boys, and felt like God was calling them to add to their family again, but through adoption this time. She called me the other day and asked if I would be interested in hosting a Pampered Chef party for her, as they are trying to come up with the last little bit of money they need for travels to Ethiopia to pick up their precious baby. And I said absolutely! First, just a few days before her call, I was thinking about how much I enjoy my Pampered Chef products. I only have a couple, but whenever I use them, I feel so fancy. Kinda...pampered. And second - but most importantly - how cool is it that I am able to help out a friend who is in a somewhat similar boat? Fostering and adoption are two different things, but definitely related. Especially taking into consideration all of the hoops to jump through, and paperwork, and atypical preparation for welcoming a child to your family. Pregnant people get at least one baby shower, 9 months to prepare, and overwhelming support from everyone -- from family and friends to doctors and endless books. Foster and adoptive parents basically get as much help as they can drum up themselves. But I digress.
Anyway... I agreed to host a Pampered Chef party. And I'm telling you about it because I want as many people to come as possible! It will be on Tuesday, July 22, at 6:30. I've never actually been to a party before, but I know I love their products. And I'm a huge advocate of cooking at home and family meals being eaten together -- avoiding processed foods, overpriced dining out, and the dissolution of the family unit (maybe a slight exaggeration on that one).
So mark your calendars, ladies! Your men are welcome to come, but Jake Henry says the women can spend more money when the men aren't there to try to talk them out of it :) I'll send e-vites or something closer to time, but just wanted to get the word out now. And also explain why it's especially important to me.
Oh, and our next training meeting is tomorrow (Friday), so I'll try to post another update in a couple of days. Au revoir!
I have a friend who is in the process of adopting from Ethiopia. She and her husband have two sweet little boys, and felt like God was calling them to add to their family again, but through adoption this time. She called me the other day and asked if I would be interested in hosting a Pampered Chef party for her, as they are trying to come up with the last little bit of money they need for travels to Ethiopia to pick up their precious baby. And I said absolutely! First, just a few days before her call, I was thinking about how much I enjoy my Pampered Chef products. I only have a couple, but whenever I use them, I feel so fancy. Kinda...pampered. And second - but most importantly - how cool is it that I am able to help out a friend who is in a somewhat similar boat? Fostering and adoption are two different things, but definitely related. Especially taking into consideration all of the hoops to jump through, and paperwork, and atypical preparation for welcoming a child to your family. Pregnant people get at least one baby shower, 9 months to prepare, and overwhelming support from everyone -- from family and friends to doctors and endless books. Foster and adoptive parents basically get as much help as they can drum up themselves. But I digress.
Anyway... I agreed to host a Pampered Chef party. And I'm telling you about it because I want as many people to come as possible! It will be on Tuesday, July 22, at 6:30. I've never actually been to a party before, but I know I love their products. And I'm a huge advocate of cooking at home and family meals being eaten together -- avoiding processed foods, overpriced dining out, and the dissolution of the family unit (maybe a slight exaggeration on that one).
So mark your calendars, ladies! Your men are welcome to come, but Jake Henry says the women can spend more money when the men aren't there to try to talk them out of it :) I'll send e-vites or something closer to time, but just wanted to get the word out now. And also explain why it's especially important to me.
Oh, and our next training meeting is tomorrow (Friday), so I'll try to post another update in a couple of days. Au revoir!
Monday, June 23, 2014
things I wish you knew (or would at least think about before speaking)
in no particular order...
1. "How's the baby making coming?"
Um...really?! How is that in any way appropriate for anyone to ask anyone else?? There is a tactful way to broach the subject if you and I are semi-close friends, and I do appreciate your interest if that's the case. But basically, I'll tell you if/when we get pregnant. If we're close, I'll tell you right after we tell our families. If we're not close, then I guess you'll find out when we decide to announce it (or if you see us out with a newborn baby boy with a beard, it's a safe guess he's biologically ours).
2. "Have you gotten your kids yet?"
Granted, I know more about the system than the average person. But how is it possible for you to think that all one has to do is sign up, and they're handed a kid -- especially a kid who has been abused or neglected?? Seriously, people. They do background checks. There's training. It takes time. Just use some common sense. And if you see us with a kid to whom I am speaking Spanish, or cornrowing their hair, or who has squinty eyes, or is older than the amount of time it's been since we last saw you, then go ahead and assume that we've gotten our kid(s). (also, just to clarify in case you haven't been told: we're looking at being licensed in September; that's the earliest we'll get a placement)
3. "Have you looked into treatments?"/"I'll hook you up with ___ so you can talk about your treatment options"/etc.
It's kind of you to care like that. Really, it is. But...have you considered that maybe we don't want to do treatments? Like, that we could actually choose not to? We have by no means exhausted all options. We haven't even looked into them. For a couple of reasons. First, we're not entirely sure what we think about the morality of them. You know, the whole "playing God" thing (among other issues). And that is totally a personal thing. We have close friends and know of many others who have gone through fertility treatments, and we are in no way saying they were wrong or sinning or anything like that. We just aren't sure how we feel. Also, we don't have $20,000+ to spend on anything. We're the type who would prefer to pay cash. But even if we had that kind of money sitting around...fertility treatments are not guaranteed. It's not our hearts' desire to give birth; it's our desire to be parents. So we'd rather spend that money on an actual child (like through adoption). That's not the only reason we're fostering, but it's a definite bonus that there is $0 involved in adopting a child or children through the foster care system. So, no, we haven't gone through any treatments. And we likely never will.
I hope this came across as more informational than emotional. I've read a couple of those buzzfeed and other articles lately along the lines of "20 questions you should never ask...", and I thought it'd be helpful to write one myself. Because, to be fair, this is kind of uncharted territory -- not only for us, but for those around us, as well. So now you know :)
1. "How's the baby making coming?"
Um...really?! How is that in any way appropriate for anyone to ask anyone else?? There is a tactful way to broach the subject if you and I are semi-close friends, and I do appreciate your interest if that's the case. But basically, I'll tell you if/when we get pregnant. If we're close, I'll tell you right after we tell our families. If we're not close, then I guess you'll find out when we decide to announce it (or if you see us out with a newborn baby boy with a beard, it's a safe guess he's biologically ours).
2. "Have you gotten your kids yet?"
Granted, I know more about the system than the average person. But how is it possible for you to think that all one has to do is sign up, and they're handed a kid -- especially a kid who has been abused or neglected?? Seriously, people. They do background checks. There's training. It takes time. Just use some common sense. And if you see us with a kid to whom I am speaking Spanish, or cornrowing their hair, or who has squinty eyes, or is older than the amount of time it's been since we last saw you, then go ahead and assume that we've gotten our kid(s). (also, just to clarify in case you haven't been told: we're looking at being licensed in September; that's the earliest we'll get a placement)
3. "Have you looked into treatments?"/"I'll hook you up with ___ so you can talk about your treatment options"/etc.
It's kind of you to care like that. Really, it is. But...have you considered that maybe we don't want to do treatments? Like, that we could actually choose not to? We have by no means exhausted all options. We haven't even looked into them. For a couple of reasons. First, we're not entirely sure what we think about the morality of them. You know, the whole "playing God" thing (among other issues). And that is totally a personal thing. We have close friends and know of many others who have gone through fertility treatments, and we are in no way saying they were wrong or sinning or anything like that. We just aren't sure how we feel. Also, we don't have $20,000+ to spend on anything. We're the type who would prefer to pay cash. But even if we had that kind of money sitting around...fertility treatments are not guaranteed. It's not our hearts' desire to give birth; it's our desire to be parents. So we'd rather spend that money on an actual child (like through adoption). That's not the only reason we're fostering, but it's a definite bonus that there is $0 involved in adopting a child or children through the foster care system. So, no, we haven't gone through any treatments. And we likely never will.
I hope this came across as more informational than emotional. I've read a couple of those buzzfeed and other articles lately along the lines of "20 questions you should never ask...", and I thought it'd be helpful to write one myself. Because, to be fair, this is kind of uncharted territory -- not only for us, but for those around us, as well. So now you know :)
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